Old Cow

Yes...I titled this old cow...

Yesterday my 15year old shared with me that his new friend told him "Dude, your mom looks WAY older than your dad!"

Well...I my look OLDER than my husband, but I DEFINITELY don't have to be a cow too...

Can you say MOTIVATION???  I think I found some,

TO BE CONTINUED...

Lame

Life has settled for the moment.  My boy is still muddling through life, good days, bad days.  We are still at times screaming to the heavens, "God...please, oh please watch over this kid!"  And...he is, I know in my heart, God is working in his life.  Just like me, I know my boy just thinks, LIFE IS LAME!!!

Right now, I'm saying it over & over...this is LAME!!!  Yes...I'm having a temper tantrum...you'll just have to endure or move along to a more pleasant, cheerful blog that's sharing a Thanksgiving Day crafty tutorial or a collage of beautiful family photographs.

I'm feeling used & abused.  My husband is OBSESSED with football; watching football, (ok, I know this sounds super petty, BUT it's hurting me) coaching football, eating football, sleeping football!  I swear to you I could walk across the living room buck naked and his eyes wouldn't move from the TV!!!  He coaches football, my son plays football, the TV never changes from football, he attends every football game he can possibly make it to, and someone (ME!) is feeling a little bit non-existent!  I can't take it any longer...I wan't to SCREAM at the top of my  lungs..."You are going to be SORRY one of these days, you will REGRET not spending more time with me, I will be gone and all you will have is your STUPID SPORTS!!!!!!!!!!"

I MISS WA, I MISS my friends,  I MISS my little town, I MISS my beautiful home, I MISS feeling 'at home', I MISS my church, I MISS the rain, I MISS the seasons, and I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!

I wish I had a friend here...where are you?  How come I haven't met you yet?  I really need to meet you soon, it's lonely being me

Error, Error, Error

Writing is not my strong point; beautiful, commanding, inspiring words don't come easy to me.  This post (reader beware) is going to be erratic, possibly confusing, questioning, maybe a little deep...but please, bare with me please.

Today my heart was broken into tiny little fragments.  I'm aching, shivering, sick, full of fear & doubt, questioning everything, searching, asking myself & God, over and over again...where did we go wrong?  Why are we here?  Where do we go now?  I need answers, I want precise direction, I can't move forward without it.

My sweet, handsome, charismatic, intelligent, athletic, caring, loving, inspiring, son decided to travel a very dangerous path.  He decided to choose popularity & vanity over wisdom & integrity.  He chose the sinful delights this world offers up to us on silver platters and within seconds has shattered our very core.  He has lost all cell privileges, his internet privileges, as well as any & all athletic activities.  Without spilling my guts, and spewing my son's collapse all over the blogosphere...I can say that this evening my husband and I have to drive to a young man's home, people that we don't know, and share what we have discovered with these parents.  It involves their son (as well as ours) and I have NO IDEA what the outcome will be...

My dead fingers are pounding out this heart-wrenching story; it is one of many: parents, struggling to deal with children who choose to go their own difficult way.  We (parents) are living in guilt, fear, anger, sadness and desperation.  The desperation is overwhelming.  Right now, in this moment...I feel I could do ANYTHING to save my son!  If only I knew...if only I knew...

In my minds eye, I see his face, his beautiful face, with a continuous blinking error message!  WHAT???  What is the problem???  How can we fix it???  Where do we start???  Who do we call???  We thought we took care and did everything right...we love him, we pray, we follow all the directions we have, we set example, we talk to him, we encourage him,  we love each other and our marriage is strong.  How do we rewind???  We can't wipe it all clean, we can't trade him in for a new one, we can't live his life for him.  Have we failed him???  I have no answers...

Survival...that's the mode I'm in...just treading, keeping my head above water.  I'm weary and sore, not sure how I will get across this ocean of tears.  How deep is my pain, deeper than I can bear.

I sent a text to my husband this afternoon while waiting to pick up our youngest from school.  A friend posted it on Facebook and I've held onto it all day..."Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever" Ps 125:1

At this moment, that's all I can cling to...I just keep repeating it, again and again.  It's all I have, my burden is heavy, so I MUST lay it down at my Savior's feet.

Quickie

Just a little quickie...Christmas was wonderful! The ONLY thing that could have made it any better: having Bubby & Poppy here to celebrate with. I couldn't have wanted anything more, but the good Lord had other plans. They stayed in my beautiful WA and I stayed here in good ol' sunny CA. Next year though...I'm thinking it will be different, not sure how yet, but I JUST KNOW IT WILL BE!!!

New Years, it's right around the corner, so yeah, I'm trying to look a little more put together. Starting with the hair...

Here's the New Do: How do ya like?

Now...if I could just figure out how to get a new body to go with the cute hair??? I guess that will take some hard work and effort on my part. And no, I won't have it by New Years Eve (dang it!)

Here we go again, a new year and a new resolution...(same old resolution) just a new year I suppose. Keeping my fingers crossed this weight thing gets under control, before I become out of control! Here's to 2012 ladies...may the New Year bring you, HEALTH, HAPPINESS, AND CRAFTINESS!

Another Adventure

Here I am...starting another adventure. Crazy, huh? Let me just say, no adventure=boring life...so I tell myself.

When we moved to CA, I decided to take care of my 4 nieces & nephew. My two brothers & their wives all work and I've always been a SAHM, so I thought easy-peasy, right? Taking care of the little ones should be a breeze? UHHH...no way, Jose! Not so! I have a new-found respect for child care providers & day care centers. HOW do you guys do it? I mean, I'm soooooooo past this stage in my life. I suppose you could look at it like this, as my 4 "J's" have grown & changed, so has their Mama! Through each stage in their lives, the Lord has transitioned me into a new chapter and it's really difficult to move backwards with the little ones (3, 4, 5, & 6yrs) Not to mention all the family drama that goes into, well, working with family! Not a good situation to say the least!

Fast forward, after weeks of contemplation, I've decided stop taking care of the "littles" and go to work in a salon. WHAT??? Crazy, unexpected idea, huh? Doing what, you ask? Nails...yes, I am a certified, licensed Manicurist. I've had my license for twelve years and I've NEVER worked a day in a salon. The story behind that decision, I decided to work out of my home (doing nails) to be there for the kiddos. (I won't mention the fact that I was utterly & completely terrified to go to work in a salon!)

I'm super nervous, but excited too! I haven't worked outside the home in 15 years...HOLY COW, I know! I do have a plan, sort of half-baked, but a plan none the less. I will only be working 3 days a week (like Tues. Thurs. and every other Sat.) If you work in the beauty biz, you HAVE to work Saturdays. Bummer, but that's the deal.

This is the ONE service that I'm totally psyched to offer my clients:

SHELLAC

This product is AMAZING! It goes on like polish, (lots of colors to choose from) and wears like acrylic. The natural nail is protected and strong, without the heaviness of acrylic. It takes minutes to apply and SECONDS to remove! I am in love...

Here is a shot of my nails...not a GREAT pic, but you get the idea. I added loose glitter to the tips in a fade. How do you like???

Here goes noth'n...I'm jumping in feet first, keeping my fingers crossed that my adventure will take me to new places and welcome me to new & exciting friends.

P.S. If anyone reading this, lives in the Kingsburg area, look me up...that's where I will be working!

Busy Bee

Yep...I've been crocheting like a mad woman! Can't help it, I {HEART} crochet...this is what I'm making, aren't they cute? I'm selling them too! If you like them, shoot me an email and I'll make it happen. Any color in particular? Let me know, I have a MILLION different colors of yarn, so is it RED your thinking about, I've got it, GREEN...yep got that too :)

Later this afternoon, I'll be doing nails for my daughter's girlfriends. It's Winter Formal for the JR. High this Thursday...isn't that WACKO??? I mean, seriously...I feel like everything starts younger & younger, year after year! Call me crazy, but Winter Formals were for Juniors & Seniors in High School, right???! Well, ultimately as a parent it's my decision to let my kids attend, and we decided yes, they could go "J" 14 & "J" 12. I know, it's a little young, but I've chaperoned before and it's pretty low-key. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed these CA kids are like WA kids, and not TOO grown up yet.

This evening I get to spend a little girlfriend time with one of the sweetest friends in the world. What could top that, you ask? Meeting her here! Eggnog Latte, HERE I COME!!!

Hope your day is filled with Christmas spirit, and may you get everything accomplished you set out to do!

Just Post Already...

As I was blog-stalking I realized I've been MIA for some time now (NOT NEWS, I KNOW!)...anyhoo, I stopped in to take a gander at the ol' blog & realized I have like a GAZILLION posts that I never published! LOL...

Ridiculous, I'm so passed those days...I should have just posted them already! However, I didn't and THAT'S that...moving along...

It's Christmas countdown and the decision has been made, this post will be all about a mosh-pit (thank you Amber for the expression) of stuff! A little bit of unimportant, a little bit of factual, a little bit of rant, a little bit of encouragement (a little something we could all use these days), so my dear one reader :) bear with my lame little blog post, alrighty?

I can't talk about Christmas without sharing my list, right? It's a doosey, just wait...

1. Move home to my beautiful PNW...oh how I miss you!

2. Maybe just a visit then??? Could you swing that, Santa?

3. Lose 50 lb's; PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEASE

4. This AMAZING make-up, with the coolest name on the planet :)

5. How cool would this be to be cruising around on?

6. I found some GORGEOUS earrings from Paris, gotta have'em!

7. CD: Mummford & Sons

8. Red PJ's

9. Still wanting those fabulous Dansko boots from last years list

10. Can't wait to start reading The Night Circus

Not too much to ask for, ya think???? Dear Santa, make it happen...that's all I gotta say about the list.

Next up, MY top 10 Christmas Flicks:

1. Elf...I laugh EVERY time!

2. The Grinch, Jim Carrey...you are the BEST Grinch ever!

3. A Christmas Carol

4. It's a Wonderful Life

5. Polar Express

6. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

7. Santa Claus

8. Miracle on 34th St. (the original)

9. Fred Claus

10. Nightmare Before Christmas (I HEART Tim Burton)

Now that I got that out of the way, time to rant a little. Have you ever prayed and prayed for something so hard & so long the Lord finally says, "O.k. already...here ya go, don't come cry'n to me when you realize the error of your ways, ya brat!" (I know, he wouldn't really say that last bit, but that's what I would say to my kid) It happened to me, yep...the last 5 and half months I've realized God answered my prayers, not really because it was in His plan, but because His plan was to reveal to me that He had a much different idea in mind for the Watts family & I just wasn't going to have it. NOW I see it, NOW I wish I could go back, but I can't.

What I CAN do is ask God to forgive me for being selfish, spoiled, & stubborn. Ask him to continue to guide our family, be the Captain and steer us in the right direction. He is my hope and my comfort, my future and my desire. No task is too big, no miracle he cannot perform, no situation he cannot CHANGE! That's what I will leave you with on this cool, crisp, morning. Instead of Santa this Christmas, write out a list to Jesus and pour out your heart to him. He is your answer, He is your Miracle Man!