What have I been up to?

* Oh...let me tell you...

* The new school year has started, "J" 7 is in second grade this year...so far, so good. "J" 11 & "J" 12 are in Middle school...what a trip that has been. Last, but not least "J" 16 is junior in H.S...need I say more?

* We serve our church. We lead service on Wednesday nights called Life Trek...it's a full ((free)) dinner at 6pm, then we break out in discussion groups-children through adults. There's something for everyone, I've have taken on the kitchen and feeding people...anywhere from 90-120 people every Wednesday. It's keeping me quite busy!

* Our oldest "J" 16 is driving...we bought him his first car. I STRESS a lot when he's out on the road (which is often these days) . He also has a new girlfriend...I don't think I'm accepting this as well as I thought I would.

* I volunteer every Monday at the Middle school on lunch hour and every Friday for a reading class. For the Elementary school, I have volunteered for Book Fair and the Walk-A-Thon. I'm tired...just a little

* We have a young lady at church who is having her second baby...a little girl. I wanted her to have lots of pink pretties to put her in so I threw her a baby shower. It was a blast...I would do it again in a heart beat!

* My guy, well he's the defensive lineman coach for "J" 12's football team, the Pirates. They are gone 3 nights a week for 2 hours of practice...we girls on the other hand have cheer practice, yes, that's right they are Pirate cheerleaders!!! YAY!!!!! We also have cheer practice twice a week...

*Lastly, my little "J" 7 is very much an introvert. She's never wanted to do anything but be at home, with Mom & Dad. That all changed this year...she decided she wanted to try girl scouts. Sooooo...we now have our Brownie meeting twice a month.

My creative, crafty self is lost somewhere in the shuffle...I'm hoping to come across it soon. I'm thinking of looking for it on a shelf somewhere...at least that's what my good friend Tres Birds suggested :)

Where am I

Simplicity...yeah, I need some. Anyone know where I can find it?

I haven't blogged since April and was actually entertaining the thought of closing my account. I really, really am not that interesting and I'm always beating myself up because I can't keep up the charade of being interesting.

I know, I know, just be myself...well that's kind of the problem. I've run out of "self" lately. I'm not coping well with motherhood, wifeing, friendship, serving, and everything else I throw myself into. When you spread out so thin, it's hard to be good at anything. So why do I do it???? Why does any woman do it???? That is the million dollar question isn't it?

I think it's a constantly changing reason to be honest with you. Sometimes I think we want to feel significant , perhaps other times just trying to live up to certain expectations we put on ourselves.

I know right now, this very moment the reason behind me having no "self" is that I feel like doing and being all I can possibly be will bring me joy and contentment. Hmmm...let me just say, it's not working out like I though it would! I really, really don't know what I'm doing, but I feel like if I try to stop juggling everything...all my spinning saucers will come crashing down and I'll have a major mess to clean up. I really don't want to clean anything right now.

I kind of just want to walk away, ya know? Like some sort of individual vacation...does that make me a selfish wife/mother/friend/Christ follower? I'm sorry if it does, I don't want to feel this way...but it's just not going away...these restless, tiresome feelings. Feelings of craziness, inadequacy, bewilderment...

I suppose I know in my heart that this too, shall pass...I just don't want to endure it any longer . I just want to go on, living life...simply living life.